A thought crosses my mind..

Surrealist poetry..

I thought crosses my mind..

It looks both ways..and proceeds..

When it gets to the other side it wonders down the street ..disturbed by the noise and the traffic..

Other thoughts rush by in a hurry to get where they are..going 

Suddenly the thought is lost.

I try to remember.

I look around but my mind is so full of other thoughts that I am not sure i recognize them all..

I see a sad little thought in the corner and I try to get closer to it ..but it scares me..so I back off.

Happy thoughts dance round me

Begging me to leave the poor little sad thought all by itself..

But I think he can change..right?

Thoughts can change..so I walk on up to that sad little thought and hugged it..it was the right thing to do..it stood up there in the corner of my mind..a bit of light reflected upon it and it did not seem half as scary or sad as it had been.

Thoughts..cross my mind..looking both ways..careful cognizant..crazy and wild..

Sometimes it rains in my head and I am happy and sometimes the sun makes me miserable..

I thought moves out one moves in..some hook up..have baby thoughts and some never leave home.

When  I like someone..I'll invite some of thier thoughts over..to play with mine.

In our Image

We create Gods in our image
but we change and so goes the idealism of perfection and grace and suddenly it's not hard to see how quickly Gods can become a valgarity, how grace can become hollow.
How a man of no particular beauty can shine because of the diamonds in his pockets.
We create Gods in our own image and we must look at ourselves to understand them.

Thoughts on a New year..

There is nothing special about a New Year ...other than it's mark..a time stamp if you will that reminds of times wasted in the previous  year that in turn should inspire to greater resolve in the coming year a virtual Carasel of good intentions.
Where I might ride a unicorn and suddenly have the gossamer wings to reach my golden rings.
It all sounds so hopeful.
It is hopeful and also a shame that we must project our dreams into the future and not see that we truly can at any spin try for that ring.

Cultural Diatribe

I am sure there is a MISUNDERSTANDING regarding my one of my most despised term.. Cultural Appropriation  so he is one of the many definitions of it...

 

QUICK REFERENCE

A term used to describe the taking over of creative or artistic forms, themes, or practices by one cultural group from another. It is in general used to describe Western appropriations of non‐Western or non‐white forms, and carries connotations of exploitation and dominance. The concept has come into literary and visual art criticism by analogy with the acquisition of artefacts (the Elgin marbles, Benin bronzes, Lakota war shirts, etc.) by Western museums.

The problem is ..the utter ignorance of my culture existing at all and I'll say this right up front 

The racism aspects of parody or outright insulting use of elements associated with any particular culture should be a whole different issue.. than the idea of someone literally taking over or using an art form or music or even religious practice that developed in a culture that has been defined..and here is where it gets so tricky and so frustrating for me as undefined human ..I know I am not the only one..so let's put a label on me. 

I am the Daughter of a Mexican father and a Creek/ German mother .

I grew up around Mexican's that were born in the united states and therefore did not always live as Mexicans from Mexico and many did not speak Spanish. My father's family did however and I ask is that my culture..the things of mexico a place I have never been a language I have never spoken ? and then there is my Mother's side.

I have never known enough about the Creek Tribe to somehow claim ownership of it's customs

There are probably People of all races who have grown up in a culture that has nothing to do with Race...

But let's suppose you did grow up in a culture that matched your race? Have you not as a human taken on to yourself practices that are not directly from your place of origin? have you changed them and in some cases stripped the meaning from them to add your own interpretation? . Do you practice a different religion? Do you wear clothes that are not based on your country of origin and patterns that might have cultural meaning such as Tartan ? Think about it do you dare wear the tartan of a clan that is not yours?

You might and you 100 % have in some way grown into the Amalgam of what we are as Humans.

So..yes the whole thing irks me ..as to all things that seek to confine us into small areas .

Another way to divide us. I know I'll hear how insulting it is when I white person dresses as a a native american.

While reservations freely sell traditional clothes . I Think my point is that the term is nothing more than a smoke screen

we know what Racism is ..We know what privilege is..we know ..because we all suffer it in some form. We humans are not suddenly going to evolve into a single non offensive race our feeling numbed by the pacification of outrage for all or any that take or use what we deem to be ours exclusively. ..For all the don't totally get us..we can rage against there ignorance or fix our own..

I am sorry but..I am not defined and I would not know what Culture to choose ..

So if you believe that your culture identity is being taken.. Hold on..

..because so many who complain are just like me ..they know nothing of it they do not practice the traditions that they are afraid of losing.

The traditions that someone else finds so beautiful that the honor it..and after all is the sacred exclusive.

if they fail to honor it as you too may well do.

if it is by my mistake..forgive it..if it is to ridicule you or your culture it simply does that ..people are jerks sometimes..if it takes away your ability to honor ypur tradition..then fight it.

End of Diatribe.

You"re wrong..

 You are unique no one has ever suffered the same exact set of circumstances that have brought you to your currant state of mind.  I am being sincere no sarcasm.
I ask how can I help? you say ..I can't ..because for you it is like being in a Vortex and while you would love to be pulled from that ..you also don't feel it's right that you pull someone in with you.
Not only that it's super dark and confusing where you are and you don't totally get it and frankly the burden of enlightening others with the details of your own personal hell seems a bit indulgent.
They would not get it.  Suddenly selfishness is not a choice , the friends you have are like disembodied voices and noises that are not helpful because they are begging you to be something that has eluded you and they sound contradictory in their offers to help or listen or give a fuck about you.
Don't they really just want to feel good about themselves ?

( By the way they do ..or at least they should want to feel good about who they are ..by trying to reach out, to understand, to want to help)
That is where the rub is hidden.
Because you..can't help them help you..and maybe that is why you make that so clear,,when they try..

Because you can't be concerned about us while you barely hold on to your will to survive .
There is not enough room for visitors.
But what kind of monster just leaves a friend in need ? .
There must be some value in being there?
I can hear you screaming.
Maybe that is all you want, maybe.. 
But you're wrong..and I know it's not okay to say that ..because everyone gets to be right about their own state of being.. but you are wrong about mine ..you don't get to assign the value I have for you as a friend.
 You don't get to know my certain set of circumstances that makes me understand pain anymore than I get to know yours and it's not dolled out fairly either, you may indeed suffer more than me ..but less than others ..it's not a competition.
I also get it that you might utterly have no control of any of it.
It may be a horrible convergence of chemical and circumstantial  bombardment.
There may be nothing ..at all that can be done..
But you're wrong.. I can give a Fuck about you even if I can't change the climate in your head.
I can and must try because if I mess this up..
I lose someone because I did not try ..that is truly too tragic for me.  If you are right about you ..being beyond my grasp you will disappear into the Vortex just as you predicted. 

I'll have to risk your ire.
Because ..I have been in the Vortex..
There were just enough signs from the outside to save me.
I was not the one at that time to take advice from
Because I thought I wanted to live in the beautiful bland abyss
The pain free nothingness..
And now it is the last thing I'd ever want..I want wild love and things that make me dizzy. I want that feeling that comes when 
you fight hard and win..and the fear the fear is the most important part ..because I know it's there to keep me here.
I also want to fight losing sometimes and waking up all the same you do too ..I know it.

Art is the mirror that makes me feel beautiful

I was going to say something.

I found this picture in my google drive.

I work hard on not looking like this.

I mean looking fairly happy is a task when your face has other plans

I was once told by a Carnival Psychic that my face gave no clues to my state of being.

Looking at this picture I would say yes that is true 

I was trying to do what a lot of us do but don't admit to.

I was trying to see what I look like to other people

I wanted to stare at myself .

it is as simple as that.

I just got the pink lipstick

I cant remember where it is now

but looking at this picture I like the color a lot.

Looking at this picture I look a bit intimidating 

As if I want to  be left alone.

and yet..

I have something to tell you , that you may not want to hear.

But you must.

I bet and this is going to sound horrible  that I was thinking as I always do, when taking selfies

that maybe I can find the beauty that I don't often see in the mirror.

maybe I can understand why children like me and why

 they will some times smile at me..mostly the very little ones.

How can I feel so hideous and yet not be?

or am I?

it remains a mystery for me.

I know what you are thinking , that
I am fishing for some sort of reassurance 

but the truth is no one can convince me but me.

I write and create art for the same reason

it is the only mirror I like looking into

with my writing and art

I am inviting you to look at me

in hopes that you connect with something you see

as I have with other artist

and because I know within my art

I am beautiful

the face can be so deceiving.

Suspension of Disbelief

We all must ..suspend disbelief from time to time to make fantasy possible and I would argue that we must do this daily.  Some  things are just hard to believe , evidence is sparse and flimsy , so we hold our judgments and we suspend outright disbelief in hope that something more convincing comes along.
It is utter madness to me that a thing as simple and prudent as discernment is tossed aside so willingly..when it comes to social media.

The things we do not want to believe are easy to deny and with a quick search we can provide evidence for our preferred point of view the problem is someone else prefers another point of view and not only that 
but they too have searched the internet and found evidence.
I believe ..that religion is based on suspension of disbelief and I am sure some people will argue with me that it is based on fact and proof and evidence .   But most religious books preach of the wonderful one day when all will be revealed if we only believe now we will see later.. 
There is also something comfortable in the position of faith.
It really does not require proof it is like a lovely little placebo and that is not always bad because sometimes we just need to feel something good is on the way so we can get through the here and now.
But as for me I know deep down I am always rowing the boat and the sea on which we sail is unpredictable .
The thing that moves me through is simple  ... their are no favorites and no hated children
There is just the nature of what is.
It seems simple enough. 
All things moving in the sphere of our earth and beyond..I do not know..how it all works 
I suspend disbelief in many things like ghost and miracles ..I chose to hold the possibility
in my mind of many things ..
I used to believe in the Bible and God..I thought I did ..but not really at least not the God of religious teachings . I  will pray for you if you ask as I still believe that there is something positive of about offering a moment of solidarity to a person in need . 
I am a moral person and just as I would not believe that a person was made moral by religion I would not believe the lack there of would make them immoral.
I  have been asked by people who are religious and find comfort in it,, how do non religious people find that peace and is as good as that which you find in religion?
Here is my answer.. it is right here in my writing and my relationships with others 
in the love I have for them in the beauty I see in them and in nature .
it is in my belief that we hold that comfort not outside of us but within .
That we spiral out...
It seems fair enough and it makes me really happy to think of all that magical stuff waiting to be activated .. from within .. I do not feel weak like I am waiting on something..I feel as though it is here already ..I do not feel afraid of offending a creator that is super sensitive and does not truly understand me.

When I was religious  I still suffered fear doubt and all the other things it was supposed to save me from ..I had to suspend disbelief

But I knew it was coming ....the time when I would not believe it all and that belief should be fluid and free.
I can  not promise you a unbreakable heart or spirit
 But I know true joy is a moment and a moment is spontaneous.