You"re wrong..

 You are unique no one has ever suffered the same exact set of circumstances that have brought you to your currant state of mind.  I am being sincere no sarcasm.
I ask how can I help? you say ..I can't ..because for you it is like being in a Vortex and while you would love to be pulled from that ..you also don't feel it's right that you pull someone in with you.
Not only that it's super dark and confusing where you are and you don't totally get it and frankly the burden of enlightening others with the details of your own personal hell seems a bit indulgent.
They would not get it.  Suddenly selfishness is not a choice , the friends you have are like disembodied voices and noises that are not helpful because they are begging you to be something that has eluded you and they sound contradictory in their offers to help or listen or give a fuck about you.
Don't they really just want to feel good about themselves ?

( By the way they do ..or at least they should want to feel good about who they are ..by trying to reach out, to understand, to want to help)
That is where the rub is hidden.
Because you..can't help them help you..and maybe that is why you make that so clear,,when they try..

Because you can't be concerned about us while you barely hold on to your will to survive .
There is not enough room for visitors.
But what kind of monster just leaves a friend in need ? .
There must be some value in being there?
I can hear you screaming.
Maybe that is all you want, maybe.. 
But you're wrong..and I know it's not okay to say that ..because everyone gets to be right about their own state of being.. but you are wrong about mine ..you don't get to assign the value I have for you as a friend.
 You don't get to know my certain set of circumstances that makes me understand pain anymore than I get to know yours and it's not dolled out fairly either, you may indeed suffer more than me ..but less than others ..it's not a competition.
I also get it that you might utterly have no control of any of it.
It may be a horrible convergence of chemical and circumstantial  bombardment.
There may be nothing ..at all that can be done..
But you're wrong.. I can give a Fuck about you even if I can't change the climate in your head.
I can and must try because if I mess this up..
I lose someone because I did not try ..that is truly too tragic for me.  If you are right about you ..being beyond my grasp you will disappear into the Vortex just as you predicted. 

I'll have to risk your ire.
Because ..I have been in the Vortex..
There were just enough signs from the outside to save me.
I was not the one at that time to take advice from
Because I thought I wanted to live in the beautiful bland abyss
The pain free nothingness..
And now it is the last thing I'd ever want..I want wild love and things that make me dizzy. I want that feeling that comes when 
you fight hard and win..and the fear the fear is the most important part ..because I know it's there to keep me here.
I also want to fight losing sometimes and waking up all the same you do too ..I know it.